Madame Web (2024) Review

With Marvel Studios taking on more responsibility involving Spider-Man, Sony have decided to try and build a universe involving smaller characters from the same lore as him. We have had Venom and Morbius and will get Kraven The Hunter later this year but here we have Madame Web. I saw this film last night and here is my review for Madame Web. The p[remise of the film sees a women bestowed with powers where she has to save 3 girls from being killed by a villainous foe. 

Main Character

I must be honest that I have never been a huge fan of Dakota Johnson and she plays Cassandra Web here and I have to be honest she isn't particularly good here. She is overacting everything here and her character is super unlikeable and hard to care about. She is clearly hampered by the awful writing in this film and she can't rise above it and give us a lead role to support or care about and Cassie Web will go down as one of the worst leads in a comic book film ever. 

Supporting Characters

Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced & Celeste O'Connor play the three girls that are in the view of the villain and they are all pretty awful. Their characters are really awkward and not particularly likeable, the film tries to force you to like and care about these characters but it comes across poorly and these actresses aren't good enough to make me care. 

Tahar Rahim plays Ezekiel Sims and he is one of the more frustrating parts of this film because I have seen him be a good actor and this character had some potential but the film really flops here and makes him this over the top villain that is so stupid that it really takes you out of the film. 

Adam Scott as Ben Parker is probably the best person here but he isn't really given much to do and it still upsets me that he plays Ben Parker and it is really clear that this was just done to provide some stupid fan service that actually annoys me even more. 

Story

The story is nonsensical and completely stupid. The plot makes no sense and characters do things that make no sense, Cassie Web in particular is one of the dumbest characters that I have seen in recent movies. This film also tries its best to ruin the character of Spider-Man even though he isn't in the film and it is just the backdrop to this pretty dull and horrendous adventure. 

Script

This is a really awfully written film. Things make no sense, characters are unlikeable and there is no humour here at all. There are so many plot holes it is crazy and the film has nothing interesting about it at all. 

Style 

I mean I guess the action scenes are okay and the bad guys suit was okay but that is it. The film is filmed really poorly, the editing looks unfinished and at times it is actually quite jarring to watch it. There are way too many jump scares especially for a film that is not a horror film. The trailer shows things that barely happen in the film and it feels like we were sold a different film that never got made. 

Overall

Overall, Madame Web is a truly disastrous film. This is up there with one of the worst films I have ever seen and is up there with the worst comic book films of all time. Though I am glad I saw this film to have this experience but at all cost avoid this garbage and do something better for 2 hours. 

Rating - 1/10

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

So the new Mortal Kombat film finally makes its way to The UK tomorrow which means I have just watched the last Mortal Kombat film made Annihilation and here is my review for it. The premise of the film sees the warriors of Earthrealm attempt to stop Shao Kahn's invasion. 

Main Character 

Robin Shou as Liu Kang and Talisa Soto as Kitana were the only actors who reprised their role from the previous film and after watching this train wreck it is easy to see why. Neither of them are very good in the film and it seems like they were the only ones who signed a 2 film contract so they were forced to be here. The characters are so bland and you won't care about them or anybody that appears on screen. 

Supporting Characters

James Remar takes up the role of Raiden and he is so dull and poor. At least Christopher Lambert is so over the top its ridiculous but Raiden is given way more to do in this film and the character just isn't very interesting with Rear clearly not enjoying himself at all. Sandra Hess and Lynn Williams take up the roles of Sonya and Jax respectively and they offer very little and Jax actually became really annoying and I was wishing he had as much screen time as he did in the first film. At least the new guy they cast as Johnny Cage realised he only wanted a small role and doesn't barely appear here. Shao Khan is finally here as the villain and he is so cliché, the awesome character from the game is gone and replaced by this bloke who isn't actually that intimidating. There are more characters from the games here but they are used so poorly that I just wish they hadn't bothered. 

Story 

The story is all over the place. It's like the film wants to get through the majority of the stories in the game but it rushes all of the without explanation and it makes fans like me incredibly frustrated. The whole plot is absurd and there is one element of the film that breaks all kinds of lore and makes the film laughably stupid with a really stupid ending. 

Script 

The script of the first film had some charm, yes it was cheesy but it kind of worked. This one is just so bad, with a mix of terrible acting and terrible acting it is just terrible and left me shaking my head as to how somebody got paid to write this mess. 

Style 

Now the most important part of Mortal Kombat - the fights. They are terrible, the overuse of slow mo is obvious because the cast just weren't particularly great at fight choreography or at least making them. Then you get the effects, they are so bad, maybe some of the worst I have ever seen. I know people will say it had a small budget, then they shouldn't have tried this rubbish. 

Overall 

Overall, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is one of the worst films I have ever seen. There is no redeeming qualities to this film and no wonder it has taken nearly 25 years for a big budget reboot, avoid this film at all costs. 

Rating - 1/10 

Deadly Illusions (2021) Review

Another day in Lockdown and another film to watch, this time it is Deadly Illusions and here is my review for it. The premise of the film sees an author hire a young babysitter to watch her children, when the two of them start to build a friendship and connection. 

Main Character

Kristin Davis of Sex and The City fame plays the lead character here and she is just not very good. Her character is really bland and uninteresting with Davis delivering some really cringe worthy dialogue that made her a character that never connected in any way shape or form. 

Supporting Characters

Greer Grammer plays the young girl that joins as the babysitter and she is also really bad here. She delivers line after line of awful dialogue and she just has some truly bad scenes that makes it hard for you to by anything in the film and the supposed chemistry between her and Davis which is never there. Dermot Mulroney plays Davis' husband in the film and he is literally just phoning it in and just playing the same character he does in every other project he is in. The rest of the cast offer nothing as well and the acting is just really bad. 

Story  

Ever since Fatal Attraction was released, Hollywood has believed they can just churn out similar films for cheap with nothing unique and they are pretty much all bad and this one is no different. This film is laughably bad and throughout it does nothing interesting and then the last act happens and it is is just hilariously ridiculous and makes no sense. 

Script

The script is terrible, the dialogue is as mentioned above cringe. With drama, humour and romantic dialogue that are all terrible and the actors deliver it in such ways to make it seem even worse. Then someone wrote the ending of the film and they just had no clue what they were doing and maybe they should move into comedy. 

Style 

The style of the film is awful, the pacing is so slow and literally nothing happens for ages and even when it does it is terrible. Plus this film is way too long, a film like this in 2021 should never be 2 hours long and it just keeps on going. 

Overall

Overall, this is a truly awful film. Deadly Illusions is one of the worst films of the year so far and is one that should never be seen by anybody. 

Rating - 1/10

Capone (2021) Review

This film made its way to foreign markets last year and was met with dreadful reviews, it has now come to the UK via Netflix so I had to watch it and here is my review for it. The premise of the film sees the notorious gangster Al Capone in the last year of his life as he deals with dementia and the actions of his life. 

Main Character

Tom Hardy plays Capone here and it has to be said that he is a great actor but he is terrible here and this is one of the worst performances I have seen in a long time. He just walks around and grunts, he is so hard to understand and this guy was Bane so I have learnt to understand tough voices but this was too much. It is such a weird portrayal and I'm guessing it is not all of Hardy's fault and this is hopefully just a one off mistake from him. 

Supporting Characters

Linda Cardellini plays his wife and she does an alright job here, she is quite possibly the best part of the film though that isn't actually saying much. Kyle MacLachlan plays a doctor and he is also decent but he isn't in the film that much. But the rest of the cast offer very little and don't add anything to the overall experience of the film. 

Story 

The story is so dull and boring, it literally sees Capone sitting around and mumbling for pretty much 2 hours and it did nothing for me. The film basically breezes over the interesting parts of Capone's life and focuses on this weird and boring aspect that is just confusing and mind numbingly boring. 

Script 

The script is awful, half the time I couldn't understand what Hardy was saying and even when I did none of it was interesting and the whole film is just uninspired. There is no humour and the film is written so poorly that the plot is laid out terribly to make you really not care about anything. 

Style 

The film has a really slow pacing and won't keep you interested for any reason. The structure of the film is terrible and never picks up, the backgrounds look okay but there is nothing to raise this awful film up and you will give up on it before it is done, unless you are foolish like me. 

Overall

Overall, this is a truly terrible film, maybe one of the worst I have ever seen. I had heard how bad it was but maybe it is worse, avoid it at all cost and don't waste the two hours that I did. 

Rating - 1/10

Blithe Spirit (2021) Review

This film made its way to Sky on Friday and I have now found the chance to watch Blithe Spirit and here is my review for it. The premise of the film sees a struggling writer accidentally summon the spirit of his deceased first wife, which creates issues with his current wife. 

Main Character

I just want to put it out there that I really like Dan Stevens as an actor but I did not like him in the role here. His character is just so unlikeable and I found it hard to sympathise or care about him and actually he is a pretty terrible person. There just isn't a script good enough to make his character one worth watching and Stevens can't save it in any way shape or form. 

Supporting Characters

Onto the one real highlight of this film and that is Dame Judi Dench who gives a pretty fun performance here and is easily the best thing here despite some weird choices that are taken with her character. After Artemis Fowel last year and now this film she really needs to get a new agent. Isla Fisher and Leslie Mann play the two wives and they didn't do much for me, Fisher had really no character and was this generic character that you have seen a million times before on film. I think Mann could have been an interesting character but she just becomes too by the numbers and the film does nothing to get you interested in the situation and the issues that these characters are in. 

Story 

The story is just so bad, this weird love triangle could have been interesting if they had chosen the direction it was going to go better. It either had to be really weird or really dramatic and the film does neither making you wonder just what was the point and why you are watching this film that does nothing interesting. The last act is so bad it had me laughing and wondering just why anybody thought a Blithe Spirit reboot would be a good idea in 2021. 

Script

As I have alluded to throughout I hate this script, it does nothing and says nothing. The characters are written so badly and you are given no reason to care about a living soul in this film. The film needed to really focus on a genre but it just didn't and tried too much and ultimately failed at all of it with a really weak ending.

Style 

I have heard some people say this film has a good look but I just don't really see it, it doesn't stand out in any way and the look can't hold it up in any way. Luckily the film is only 95 mins long but if you don't really like any of that 95 minutes it shouldn't be praised for it. 

Overall

Overall, this film is just awful and we have the first contender for the true worst film of 2021 and we are still in January. This is a film I never want to see again and I would say don't even think of watching this trash and do anything else with your life. 

Rating - 1/10

365 DNI (2020) Review

This film recently hit Netflix and has been seen by quite a few people so I have now decided to watch it and review 365 DNI. The premise of the film sees an Italian mafia boss kidnapp a woman and give her 365 days for her to fall in love with him. 

Main Character

The main girl in this film is called Laura and I checked the actresses history and she has done nothing before this film and it really shows as she is terrible here. It feels like she was hired just because she is attractive and was willing to do things that maybe other performers wouldn't be. Her character is laughably bad and has no depth to her at all, she is so weak and you really wonder why you should care about her in the film. Then there is the main guy who is probably even worse, he is so aggressive towards her and unlikeable, the fact that these two people would have any type of relationship is absurd and is hard to watch as it is all the film gives to you.

Supporting Characters

There are literally no interesting supporting characters, it is all the stereotypes you would expect. The ex partners of both people, the crazy bestfriend and the old school gangster but none of them are performed well at all and you are given no reason to care.

Story

There is a slightly interesting premise here but it requires good acting and good storytelling which this film has neither. The two leads have no chemistry together and actually their relationship is pretty abusive and really hard to root for even though the film tries to make you. There are some generic side plots that are there to pad out the film and play no part of the main plot, plus the ending is awful with no explanation at all. 

Script

The script is shocking, the dialogue is truly laughable, there is no hu,our and no drama which makes the film even worse then it should be. 

Style

The film's style mainly focuses on it's sex scenes and yeah they are well done but honestly it is not worth the time, you can find things on the internet that is the same and quicker to watch. This film forgets what it is, it goes on for two hours which is way too long and makes this film feel longer then it has any right to be.

Overall

Overall, this is one of the worst films I have ever seen, this film is there for it's sex but the rest of them film has the porn level of acting and storytelling that comes with it making it a truly awful film.

Rating - 1/10

The Wrong Missy (2020) Review

 

This film was recently added to Netflix and is the film most people are watching so I decided to watch The Wrong Missy and here is my review for the film. The premise sees a man meet his perfect woman in an airport but accidentally invites a disastrous blind date by the same name to his work retreat in Hawaii. 

Main Character

David Spade plays the main character and he doesn't really do anything for me in this film. He plays the straight man in the comedic duo and you do sympathise with him a little bit because he is getting annoyed by Missy like we the audience are but there is nothing that stand out about him at all. His character is really boring and yes he has a bit of an arc in the film but it feels incredibly generic and unrealistic which really hurts the film.

Supporting Characters 

Lauren Lapkus plays Missy and wow this is one of the most annoying characters I have ever seen in a film or TV Show. She is so annoying it is incredible, it is absolutley absurd and there isn't one likeable trait about her whatsoever. She makes Spade's life miserable and you really want her to go away with her story being so forced it cannot be understated. The rest of the cast are all the stereotypes you could imagine in a film like this, the ex wife, the abnoxious new boyfriend, the work rival and the older rich boss and none of them are interesting at all. 

Story

If you read the premise of the film you can guess exactly where the film is going, I sat down before watching the film and predicted a few things that a generic film would have and this film hits every single one but does it really poorly. As mentioned there are no reedemable elements to the character with Missy so her relationship Spade's character is really weak and feels really underdeveloped and just forced. Plus there are some things that take place in this film that if a man did them to a woman this film would never have been made or it would be causing controversy but because it is the other way round people just don't care. 

Script

The script is reall bad, this is a comedy but I don't think I laughed once during this film which is an automatic failure for a film trying to make me laugh. The drama is attempted but also falls down flat and feels stupid and trivial for this weak film. 

Style

This film tries to go for shock comedy, I mean this is my least favourite comedy and this film follows that trend, it just doesn't do anything interesting enough to make it funny. Luckily this film is only about 90 minutes long which means you don't have to sit through it for that long, but they spend so much time on the Spade not liking Missy there is not enough time for the film convincingly to hit its landing. 

Overall

Overall, I feel like I truly wasted my time watching this film, these bad comedies made by this group really are bad and are not worth the time of day and should just stop being made. 

Rating - 1/10 

Horse Girl (2020) Review

Horse Girl (2020) Review 

 This film has just recently come onto Netflix and I have now seen Horse Girl and this is my review for the film. The premise of the film sees an antisocial girl struggle to work out what is happening in her dreams or real life. 

Main Character

Alison Brie plays the lead character in this film and she really tries her best in this film to carry this film and she is easily the best part of this film though that is not saying much. But her character is just really bland and boring to watch, she is one of the most bizzare characters to have been put on film and I just never saw a reason to care about her character and the plight that she was put in. 

Supporting Characters

There isn't really any other important characters in this film, I mean Molly Shannon is in the film but she really doesn't do anything and the rest of the characters are really paint by numbers aswell. 

Story

The story in the film is pretty weird, it is a really hard to explain, seeing this woman go through all her problems really isn't interesting to watch and you just question how crazy her character is. It just feels like the story never gets going, the plot moves forward at a snails pace and it just isn't interesting to watch at all with a pretty ridiculous ending that feels very silly.

Script

The script doesn't help in making any of the characters interesting, this film is meant to be about people but it doesn't feel like these are real people at all. Nobody has any sense of humour in this film and the drama never gets high enough for it to see the characters really conflict in the film. 

Style

The film attempts to ask plenty of questionsbut it misses the mark completley, what makes it worse is that there are no answers in the film and the poor attempt just feels really out of place. Also this film feels incredibly slow, the film takes so long to get even some sort of story going but even then it doesn't go anywhere at all.

Overall

Overall this is one of the worst films I have seen in a long time, it is so slow and boring to watch, it tries to be more philosophical then it is and will be a waste of time if you watch it.

Rating - 1/10